2001-08-12 - 7:50 p.m.
i was standing there...totally zoning out at work today...and the thoughts rushed in. mind wandering from thought to thought until it stopped at that one little fact...and i guess i knew already, but i didnt wanna acknowledge it.
because it always ends in bad things. and i dont want this to be like that. i just want this to be fun and good and sweet.
i didnt want to admit to myself that i had feelings. that there was anything left in me to be broken...but there is. and it's still small, but its there. and it hit me, and it almost felt good.
but i dont know if i even have any real right to believe there could be something there. because its been so long since anything like this has happened...i'm rusty at what to say...at what to do.
and i'm really getting too old for this. i havent had a crush in years...
so i'll just leave it as it is...a crush. like marcia brady had on the dentist.
its not like i have much choice.
i'm not gonna risk a cool thing when i dont even know how he feels.
~J
