2001-09-23 - 11:05 a.m.
i almost dont even know where to begin. if its not one thing its another...you're driving to the store to buy some new underware...not a foolish purchase, no waste of money here, no need for karmic reprocussion...you were gonna put it on the credit card...no biggie right??
so you're going along on your merry way, and the car in front of you is stopped. and since you thought she has already proceeded into traffic (you wonder how much room she really needed to get that suv out into the road ahead of the truck that was coming a half mile away) and so you're now payingattention to the truck so you can also proceed into traffic...and as you slowly pull out (before you gun it) you suddenly realize that SUV woman has NOT gone into traffic...but now its a little too late isnt it??...
and your sweet little maxima...who never hurt a fly and has been good to you since you bought it with only minimal repairs needed, smacks into the giant spare tire of said SUV. D'OH!!! there goes your hood...crumpled like a dixie cup in one corner...said SUV suffers nothing but a tiny rip on the giant wheel cover...gee, how wonderful.
but it couldve been worse, although my pride and faith in my own skills is damaged worse than my car. i just feel like an idiot.
after all the money problems lately cuz of school, i this is something i truly dont need. something my family truly doesnt need. i mean i have insurance and all but theres a 500 dollar deductable...guh. sometimes i just wanna kick myself in the ass.
and it was totally my fault. there's no way around that, i'll own up to it. i should've looked again before i went out to make SURE she had gone already...kinda like the time my dad hit the pizza man IN our driveway...pizza man pulls in, bob pulls out thinking he's in the driveway, there's no one there...and boom!!!
*sigh*
more paperwork, trips to the insurance company...adjusters, garages, angry parents telling you you're an idiot and a bad driver, and that life sucks and you just need t oget used to it...
i just wanted someone t otell me that it was ok, it was an accident and these things happen...like i told my dad aftersaid pizza man incident...
and everyone just shook thier head and said "again??" i thikn they forget that although this is my fourth accident, its the only one thats been my fault.
i just want a little support right now.
they arent the only ones who are struggling here. i feel guilty as well as stupid. i'm the one who's usually up at 3am feeling like i'm gonna throw up cuz i'm stresed...broken sleep, etc, etc.
but i'm not gonna dwell on it. it drives, i'm moving forward...i'll deal with it.
but sometimes i just need a hug to help me on my way.
~J
