2001-10-12 - 9:23 p.m.
i wish i had something interresting to write about today...but i don't. my life is quickly becoming non-existant and i feel like if anything else stupid and little goes wrong i'm gonna scream. from losing checkbooks, to getting 'you didnt pay us' envelopes from the parking police at the train station (when might i add i DID pay)to getting mail from my car insurance company that i dont understand...to my cell phone not working, to forgetting to send away for that loan deferrment paper, god i could keep on going but i'm gonna stop.
i have to stop.
i need a new hair cut. i need a new outfit, and i need to have a day where i can do nothing but stupid shit...and not have to worry about anything. i wanna go out on a date...with a boy...i wanna be all excited about something...but there's nothing. the only excitement comes when i know i only have another hour left of work, and when i'm on the train knowing theres only one more stop till mine...god thats sad.
maybe i'm just in the angry pants again...i dont know. maybe i have pms...its possible.
but if something good doesnt happen soon i'm gonna start throwin' shit.
i'm trying here...really trying.
trying to make my life work and live on my own...and i'm only half-way making it...or so it seems. i'm still depending on last minute handouts from my family, and i havent had a real meal in over a month...that's tellin me i'm doing something wrong. and i cant figure out how to fix it...to make it better...because i'm doing all i can...i'm going to work, i'm going to class...it's all i know how to do. its more than i've ever done. wayyy more.
i'll wait as your collected thoughts of me being a selfish little spoiled bitch pass.
there. hopefully you're done by now.
anywho, i dunno...i just wish i knew what to wish for.
i know whati want, but i dont really know how to make it happen.
maybe it'll come to me.
~J
