2002-03-26 - 9:24 p.m.
as soon as she told me it felt like being punched in the stomach...and then the wave of nausea floated over me...and it was like 11pm, i should've been tired. but i was wide awake. even my trusty never-fail nighttime cd mixes wouldnt work. i was just lying there...shock, denial, acceptance.
but i was actually surprised at how calm i was.
surprised that i didnt cry. (ok maybe i ALMOST cried once on the subway, but that's cuz a reallllly sad song came over my headphones)
but i havent cried.
i think its that final realization that the way he treated me had little to do with me...and more to do with his own issues.
i think i've moved on. almost.
because i'm gonna think about it. it would be impossible not to. but when i do think about it, its not as bad as i had always imagined it would be.
i dunno, thank god i havent seen him in like a year. it would be wayyy harder if i had seen him. and worse if i had seen him with her....
if it's all true in the first place.
~J
