2002-07-08 - 8:18 p.m.
some days are better than others...today was not one of those days. in fact i havent had a good day in quite a while. maybe its a slump...maybe i'm just getting old and cranky...i dont know. but i do know it was just the fourth of july...again. and i also know i shouldnt keep connecting it with them...i know its been so long now since that all happened that it's getting lame. but i couldnt help it. i thought about it. i went and saw the uxie fireworks...and maybe theres just something about fireworks that makes me all sentimental...but i was sad. because its been so long since then...so long since i've felt that...way. i mean what is it now? 4 years? since i've been in a car driving into god-knows-what-this-time...since i've waited for someone to get home and call...since i've felt sexy, cute, alive, etc...take your pick. and its always worse on the 4th of july. i dont know why. but it IS that feeling i miss...not any guy in particular...sean, mike...it doesnt really matter anymore. its not them i cant live without...its the feeling i always had when they were around, when there was dirty business afoot.
i miss dirty business.
i miss fireworks.
~j
