2002-07-22 - 7:36 p.m.
so i met patty's boyfriend....and yes, he just may be the cutest thing on the planet. and if ever anyone deserved it, its patty. and i AM so happy for her i could burst....
so why do i feel like crap?
cuz this means i'm the only one left. the only one of the 4. jamie lisa heather patty...the dynamic 4some...my friends. i'm the only one left with no boyfriend.
and the worst part is i cant even picture it anymore...that person of my dreams...i try to imagine finding someone and having all my friends meet him...and i cant imagine it...cant picture it...its like its too weird...too out of context..too out of the ordinary...too twilight zone....
i'm so used to being single that i dont know what i'd do with a boyfriend if i DID find one.
i havent kissed anyone in so long i'd prolly do it worse that a scared 13 year old playing spin the bottle.
*shrug*
and the worst part is he looked like...*gulp* mike. thought i would die.
seems i just can not be released from his fucking universe. if i'm not seeing people that look like him, i'm dreaming about his mom crying on the phone to me that i have to talk to him and that she knows he'll listen to me because...blah blah blah....
fucking crap all of it. i mean, i'm trying...i took down all the pictures...i threw away the prom bouquet at my dad's house...i can eat twizzlers without bursting into tears now...i'm ok...i'm hip...i'm with it...i'm moving on...to what i dont know but i'm moving somewhere.
i just hate being the only one out. and i hate that being alone has become normal.
~J
