2003-05-19 - 7:26 p.m.
some mornings you wake up and your head isnt screwed on right.
mornings when clothes that normally fit great just arent cutting it and no matter what you do the mirror keeps telling you "get back in bed...just roll over and close your eyes and let this day pass because nothing good can come of it."
there have been alot of these days lately.
and im not alone, i know that but damnit i've never felt this lost before and directionless. i had all these plans and now they seem less and less feasible because before they were someday and now they're next week.
and next week is a scary place. because next week is real and next week is staring you in the face and daring you to "bring it".
and im wondering if i can do it.
or if i'll get stuck in a rut like so many other lost souls who much like me had great dreams and ambitions and not a hell of a lot else. and dreams fade.
ambitions pass you by.
case in point...
earlier today...
me...
pictures of hoodie boy...
entire scenario laid out in my head...
knock on the door...
its him...
i brick and hand him the pictures in what was definately not my best form.
alas...foiled again.
but i dont wanna brick on my whole future.
i dont wanna crawl back into that hole that seems to appear when college ends and theres no place left for you to go but that office at bj's wholesale club where you count other peoples money all day and take orders from people who are paid a shit load more than you but cant even figure out how to use the fucking intercom system.
i dont wanna become my supervisor...
bleach blonde bar wench with too much gold jewelry and a bad feathered mullet...i dont want my life to revolve around counting other peoples money and working in someone elses store.
but im scared.
because now's the time.
time to fly away and run like hell towards something you only have a faint idea is there...
i dunno.
i gotta run.
theres a train to catch...
and i've gotta get back to kicking my own ass over this mishap with my hoodie boy...i must regroup and devise another plan of attack.
because "tomorra' is another day!!"
~J
